Screen Time and Kids: How to Set Limits Without the Power Struggles

Insights from a mother of two active and endlessly curious children ages 5 and 7 (“Gen Alpha”).

First and foremost, everything depends on the child’s age. My children are probably still in the young age group—meaning there's no real need for them to be online at all. They don’t have to respond to emails, message friends, or check their bank accounts. For now, their internet use is limited to watching cartoons (when I’m extremely tired and cannot invent any other possible way to entertain them)—and I’m the one who sets screen time limits for my kids.

At the same time, they often witness what I believe to be a poor example: many kids their age already have smartphones / tablets and use them much like adults—with few, if any, restrictions. This creates a bit of a conflict: I try to delay the start of their “online life” for as long as possible, while they increasingly push for more freedom with devices = being online.

Why I am delaying my kids’ online life

💡 Note: What age a child should be online is something each parent has to decide for themselves. No one knows our kids better than we do, so there’s no single 'right' answer.

We’ve all seen the warnings about screen time—but it’s easy to assume they don’t apply to our own kids. The more I looked into it, the more I realized it’s not just about screen time itself, but what it can replace: sleep, face-to-face time, and a sense of balance. The long-term effects are real—and worth paying attention to:

• Sleep disorders;
• Anxiety and depression;
• Aggressive behavior;
• Poor stress regulation;
• Vision problems;
• Obesity.

However, few psychologists offer advice that truly works in everyday life, and, unfortunately, we don’t receive an instruction manual for our newborn along with the discharge papers from the hospital. So we have to figure everything out ourselves—including internet safety tips for us as parents.

Parental control and the internet is a tricky issue that can lead to a growing conflict between children and parents over how and when kids should go online. In trying to protect our precious little Alphas from the negative effects of gadgets, we often overdo it. And here, the main principle should be: do no harm! Our primary goal is to help kids build healthy online habits. Here are some tips I've developed through my own experience as a mother.

💡 Note: What works well for one child may not work for another.

What's actually working for us

1. I talk with my kids—not like a radio, but when they're actually ready to listen. I don’t just forbid something without explaining why. I try to guide them toward an understanding that the internet can be used in different ways: to learn, to be entertained, or simply to kill time. Since we all have to be online at some point—whether we like it or not—my goal is to show them a good example.
2. I try to show them a healthy example of using the internet. I must admit that occasionally they catch me in the act (when my reaction time isn’t fast enough 😅) watching funny Reels just to decompress after a stressful day. Being the perfect role model isn’t always easy to stick to, but I do my best—and I believe all parents should. If we say one thing and do another, we’re doing our children a disservice.
3. A good practice is to spend time on the device with your child—not to show them which buttons to press, but to model good habits and behavior. It shouldn’t feel like supervision, but rather a shared activity—an enjoyable way to spend time together while also demonstrating how many interesting and positive things can be done online. From watching a new Disney cartoon to learning car logos (something I do with my son on our way to and from preschool—and I must say, I’m quite proud that I can now easily tell a Honda from a Hyundai, and a SEAT from a Suzuki).
4. I try to be someone my kids can talk to about anything, without fear of judgment or punishment. I see this as an investment in the future—when they eventually start their own “online life”. I hope this trust will give them the confidence to come to me if something doesn’t feel right online.
5. Another thing I do instinctively with my “100-questions-a-second” kids is try to avoid simply saying “I don’t know.” Instead, I say, “Let’s Google it.” If possible, we look it up right away; if not, I ask them to remind me to check it later—and sometimes we actually do. I believe this sets a positive example of using the internet as a source of knowledge. Sometimes, I feel like I might actually be getting some of this right.

Parenting in the digital age requires modern digital solutions. The next level of ensuring online safety for our children goes beyond simply modeling their good digital behavior—which should start from the very first time your child picks up a device. It also means encouraging them to use tools like a password manager to help control and protect their personal data as they grow and become more active online.